Monday, November 19, 2007

I Got Me A Hat!

I have been in many arguments involving the compelling wonders of Open Theism and its Promethean carriage of light to the tired darkness of determinism. I have left the half dead khaki clad forms of many a young turk crying for mercy on my library floor.

But then, on the wings of the U.S. Mail came a sign, a portent. I sat there stunned. All my human pride gathered in puddles doubly wet with my tears of shocked clarity about deterministic..um... stuff. The postal service winged thing claimed to be a demonstration, obviously, of decree.

What's the picture for? Hold on, hold on! I'm getting to that.

St. Joe of Mikler camest to town some years gone. Since he had known and been taught by an old friend of mine (who had recommended and warned St. Joe of me), it necessitated that we meet. Meet we did at Bucers one night. Short swords were drawn, blood was spilt, and the emblematic khakis were ruined. After Joe got out of hospital a friendliness to those of heterodox opinion had grown. In due course this monk of Miklerburg, this anchorite of Orlando graduated and moved back to the spiritual and moral wilderness that is Florida. One day he walked into a skate shop and there, the decrees insisted, was a hat. Not just any hat but a hat that could turn the Oracle from his free willin' ways. I know you can't read it but emblazoned thereon, for all the world as unanswerable as Gideon's fleece, it says "First Church of Evans". If this is from the hands of Providence may I suggest that they should cast their graphics department into the outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing. St. Joe sent it unto me with a warning to mend my ways. I have submitted (in insincere external gesture without any true repentance) since Floridian decrees are hard to resist. I wore it to church.

May I say this is the best argument I have ever heard from a Calvinist?

Yes, that is as good as it gets.

And I got a hat.

One up for the Open Theists!

6 comments:

Mark said...

Evan,
A close up of the graphics on the hat, inferior to the trained eye as they may be, might convince even the most hardened heart that you speak with power and authority.
Mark

Thomas Banks said...

Hey Grandrone-

*Don't let it go to your head.*

Daniel said...

As a friend of Mikler's, you are right to submit meekly. Any man brave enough to play the tin whistle and wear a pink sweatsuit to a football game is secure in his masculinity (and a force to be reckoned with).

And I was wearing blue jeans, not khakis.

Michal said...

I knew you were gonna lose it when he sent you the hat, he's been scheming this up for a while...

Jeff Moss said...

Happy St. Jack's Day!!
(C. S. Lewis, 11/29/1898-11/22/1963)

Out of pure orneriness, I almost copied here the entire paragraph from Perelandra that converted me to a belief in Divine foreordination. But I will restrain myself--unless, of course, you would like to see it here. :-)

Have a blessed Thanksgiving.

The Oracle said...

And blessings today to you as well, Jeff.