Years ago, when considering what timeless truths contributed necessarily to the calm of my life, I wrote this list. Follow them, my children, and find, if not peace, certainly a slight smile.
Thy larder, aptly so named, shall be ever plenished with butter and bacon.
The second is like unto the first. Breakfast shall greet thee on thy descent
and it shall be of the hearty and hot kind.
Thou shalt have one lusty member of the weaker sex as thy spouse.
Varieties of tobacco, every desired kind of thine and thy friends, shall plenteously fill thy storehouses, shaken down and running over.
Mammon, unclaimed by any responsibility perceived by thy wife, shall be found in sufficient quantities in thy wallet upon entering
a book selling establishment.
Thy friends shall have desires like unto thee.
These, thy friends, shall avail themselves for conversation at all likely times.
All that show thee hospitality shall defer to thy habits or, with alacrity,
insist on them.
Something of the beeve or swine families of chattel shall have died
for thine evening meal.
Thy house shall have many superfluous rooms.