Wednesday, May 17, 2006

How Shall I Then Speak?

They look at you with the expression of those that have heard everything you said. They listened but, alas, said nothing. One tries to assess whether their mood was positive and thrilled that such illumination has been granted unto man or negative to the point of wondering what was wrong with Heaven if the ground didn't open up and swallow you whole. That assessment is left to whatever facial tics the mute hearer is willing to permit a travel permit across their face. Perhaps if you sneak up on them, and pronounce fell and dark curses on that which they hold sacred.
Something like:
"Soccer is for euroweenie wussies. You could train horses to play it. It was introduced to The U.S. of A. to give a sport opportunity to the boys who couldn't play other, more real sports. "
"I think the Bush family should be given imperial control over the nation."
"Calvinism is being married to girl for whose "good looks" an argument has to be made."

Maybe that will gain more than a raise eyebrow.


thebeloved said...

No comments, only laughter. :D

Josh said...

Which sports are more real and what is the definition of "more real".

Could you or those men you hold dear play soccer capably for 90 minutes, and, if not, what does that make you if professional soccer players are "Euro-weenie wussies"?

The Oracle said...

ahhhhh. Comments. Feels good.
No one doubts the physical stamina needed to run for 90 minutes. The question is "why?" Because they do not use the aspect of our physique that separates us from the animal (the opposable thumb) they end up playing as accurately as animals could. Over half the game is the result of accident, due to the inability of the foot and head to reach out with any precision. The possession changes every five to ten seconds. Not what I would call the result of a high level of intentionality. So, team A "accidents" its way upfield using those appendages that the Almighty did not design as ball handling tools. We are all amazed when luck favors and it goes in the goal (the two times it happens in a game although the net is the size of Kansas). We are equally amazed when Shamu puts a ball in a net at Seaworld.

Matthew N. Petersen said...

Perhaps your attack on soccer in the comment section is valid, but it certianly needs clarified. First, when little kids play soccer they accidently get the ball foward. But that is not at all true of professionals, or even highschoolers.

Second, often artificial restrictions force greater art. Why is soccer not like a vilanelle and basketball like free-verse?

Again, your criticisms of soccer using the wrong appendages could apply to lacrosse just as well. "Over half the game is the result of accident, due to the inabliity of a long metal pole to reach out with any precision...So, team A "accidents" its way upfield using those tools that the Almighty did not design as ball handling tools."